Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
