is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
