Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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