At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fuck appropriateness.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize