..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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