i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
