take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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