she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
