sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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