I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
