i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I looked at my own cervix.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Floor bacon is actually really good
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
