it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
