He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize