dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
