i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
