She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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