the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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