anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
