Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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(315): View more from New York

You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning

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(954): View more from Florida

Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem

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(909): View more from California

Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.

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(317): View more from Indiana

holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.

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