the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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