At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Randomize
