This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize