A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
