Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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