And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
