Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
