It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
