just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
