Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize