When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
