just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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