the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
