wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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