i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize