I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
