You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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