I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
