she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
