Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
