And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
