mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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