who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
