I'm lost and stupid without you.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
