I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
