her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize