I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
