dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
