You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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