sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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