got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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