Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
