This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
