Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
whose parrot is this?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
