You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
