I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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