just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
