ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
