Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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