one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
