dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
