I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
