he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
