smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
