Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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