i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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