goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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