I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
